Friday, September 30, 2005

going back to high school

I'm not one of those people who looks wistfully back at their high school years and wishes they could go back.

High school was high school.

There were great times and times when I had a lot of fun (especially my junior and senior years) but most of it was filled with all that stupid adolescent bullshit pain. Icky boyfriends, girl drama, home stress, low self-esteem (self loathing is actually a more accurate description), worrying about grades, etc. I truly believe that teenage hormones are so out of whack that there are no "higher highs" or "lower lows" than during those years. In my opinion, that's why First Loves are held in such regard. That deep obsessive infatuated love feels so all-consumingly high. You "love" each other so much you make little happiness graphs that show the time spent with one another and plan elaborate mix tapes filled with meaningful songs. Of course, that's until he cheats on you while you're looking at colleges and then that deep low pain gets etched in your brain also. The pain and pleasure of that time are so closely intertwined. I have no desire to ever go through either extreme again.

(However, college is another story. My husband and I were just last weekend discussing how we'd go back to our college years in a heartbeat. Best times ever in the most beautiful place on earth.)

All this has been a long winded (as usual) preface to me stating that I want to go back to my high school music. When I started writing this I was listening to The Cure's Close to Me. On the way home both Concrete Blonde and the Pixies played on Lucy. I love my Ben Harper, Damien Rice, Patty Griffin, Ray LaMontagne, etc. However, none of them bring about quite the same emotion as Wish You Were Here, Black, Blister in the Sun, Circle, I Shall Believe, Me and a Gun, Joey, Fee, Sugar Magnolia or any of my other favorites from those years. (Trust me, I could go on forever listing songs, that's why I love Fred and Lucy so much!) The same insane emotions that keep me from wanting to go back to high school have made the music I loved during those years the unattainable gold standard against which I judge all other music.

confessions of a control freak


I am a control freak.

I am a micro-manager.

This is bad.

It is not pleasant for those I try to control and it makes life more difficult for me.

Most of the time I would rather not have a volunteer help me in the library because whatever they help me with won't be done precisely the way I would do it. Right now I am facing the monumental task of automating my school's library. (Yes, we are finally entering the year 1990 and getting a computerized checkout system as opposed to the old-fashioned card system we currently use.) I should have volunteers come in and place barcodes on the books. However, I've only allowed 2 adults to help with the task and a few responsible 5th graders. I had to force myself to let these people help me and it took all my self-control not to stand over their shoulders and ensure the silly things were put on in the correct place.

This is bad.

It is a character flaw.

I'm trying to work on this.

Life is not helping me.

Five weeks ago the social worker doing our adoption home study e-mailed saying she finished writing up the home study and was sending it, along with all the necessary paperwork, to the adoption agency. I knew it would be about two weeks before the agency finished reviewing it and contacted us. I never heard from them and was itching to call and check on it. I decided to trust the process and the people and not to harrass. I couldn't stand it any longer so I called the agency yesterday only to discover they'd never received it. 24 hours later, after numerous tears and several phone calls, they now have all the items. The two week review time will begin Monday. We're now five weeks behind where we could be in this process (not to mention 5 weeks closer to doing the 6 month home study update which will cost us another 600-700 dollars).

I have faith that the time delay is important and that it fits into God's plan for our family. It's still very disappointing and frustrating. It also reinforces my control freak tendencies. If I'd only called to ensure they'd received the paperwork and/or called when the two week review period should have been over. I've been saying for over two years that this family-building process has been God's way of teaching me to stop attempting to control my life and to trust in Him. Guess I need some prayers to help me better trust in Him.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

first home game




Metallica playing, the crowd jumping up and down, there's nothing like it...

Go Hokies!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

2 more reasons to watch


Reasons to love Hurley and Charlie:
  • Hurley is listening to Damien Rice when the batteries in his discman finally die
  • Charlie calls Claire's baby "Turnip Head"

a great reason to watch lost




my "boyfriend", Naveen Andrews, stars as Sayid

and the countdown begins...

Just one week until the season premiere




If you don't watch this show I implore you to. If you rent the Season 1 DVDs before next Wednesday (the intricate nature of the show requires that you watch the show in order), watch the season premiere and don't love the show I will give you a $100. (Like my sister, I reserve the right to use hugs as a form of currency.)

We're currently rewatching the episodes from the first season and remembering just how amazing the show is. It is the best show on tv right now. It's critical acclaim and cult status are well deserved.

If you already watch the show (and haven't already done so) I suggest you go back and watch last season again before next Wednesday. Even though I'd seen some of the episodes 2 and 3 times before I'd still forgotten so many important details. Like my old favorite, Buffy, rewatching the early episodes with the knowledge gained later in the season puts a whole new spin on them.






Tuesday, September 13, 2005

where do i draw the line?


I had to ask myself that question last night while telling my husband about The Cell a "hot script" in Hollywood without a home. You might ask, "Why can't the show find a home?" That would be because it's a "wacky show about terrorists."
Link to NY Times article about The Cell.

I was explaining to my husband my thoughts on the idiocy of those who ever considered this to be an appropriate show to create. As I sat there it started to hit me that while I consider a show about people who want to terrorize/kill others for political/religious views inappropriate, I'm willing to pay $10/month just so I can watch a show about people who terrorize/kill others for financial gain. Why is it that I consider one acceptable viewing and the other not?

I consume a lot of media. Among other things, I watch countless movies each month, I sit mindlessly absorbing hours of trashy tv every day and each day I play on websites with a mindnumbing amount of stupid advertising. In the past few months I've begun pondering my media consumption through the eyes of a future parent. How can I insist I will monitor the amount and quality of the television my child watches, when I'm sitting there with my eyes glazed over watching whatever I can find on my seven billion satellite channels? Where do I draw the line on what is "quality" and how do I judge something as "appropriate" for a child when I clearly can't set a good standard for myself?

How I wish I had the willpower to just give it all up. Every child I've ever encountered who truly didn't watch any tv and rarely watched movies or played on the Internet is amazing. In my experience they are always highly intelligent, well adjusted, have a good sense of self worth, etc. Who doesn't want to provide that for their child? The question is can I make that sacrifice?

Probably not, if I gave it all up how would I watch the season premiere of Lost next week?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

a sign?

Is this the official sign that I'm much older than I think and will soon pass the point of no return and be forced to become a Republican?

During my ride home from work I usually listen to Dr. Laura on XM. The past 2 weeks I've been frustrated by some other show playing instead. I just checked the XM site and discovered that her show has moved and is now being aired on the "America Right" channel.

Oh my.

I don't know if I can do it. I love listening to Dr. Laura, it keeps me thoroughly entertained during my drive. I spend 1/2 my time heartily agreeing with her (out loud, of course) on issues related to children and the other 1/2 yelling at her (with violent hand motions) for her views on other issues. However, I think that's the end of my listening to her show. I think my car would implode and my friends would host an intervention if my radio was on a right-wing conservative station.

Good-by, Dr. Laura. Thanks for the memories.

what i want to be in my next life

In my next life I'd like to be a soap opera doctor.

They finish med school in less than a year without ever having to leave the town they grew up in, they only have to "do something" once a month or so, they can perform tricky life-saving heart surgeries one minute, become leading fertility experts the next and are always there to diagnose and treat that month's character with amnesia.

Most days I'm lucky if I feel I taught one child a single skill yet soap opera doctors are clearly masters of everything and that's why I'm going to be one in my next life.

Of course, that's after I attend the University of Texas...

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

newsweek's blog watch


For those of you who don't read Newsweek, here are two items from this week's Blog Watch:

"What's the difference between looting and finding?" Boing Boing
"looking for some good news in these days of hurricanes, insurgency and high oil prices" Good News Blog

my new orleans pic on ms. judy's house of fun


Last week I received a very nice request to use one of my Flickr photos on a blog. Ms. Judy's House of Fun has a post using one of my New Orleans pics from a few years ago. It's one of the pics from when we were down in January 2000 for the Sugar Bowl and were fortunate enough to witness a jazz funeral. A large group of us went out for a nice lunch and were waiting for a table at a restaraunt on Bourbon Street when someone gave us the hint to request a table on the balcony since a jazz funeral procession was expected before too long. A town councilman had recently passed away and the procession was amazing. It truly was just like in the movies with the umbrellas, people dancing, the horse drawn carraige, etc. One of the unexpected highlights of the trip. I am honored that Ms. Judy wanted to use my picture in such a touching manner.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

now why didn't i think of that?


Cordarounds - needless to say, these do not fit into our "budget diet" but I am in love with these horizontal cords. Remember, "Never wear in the presence of zebras. There is nothing zebras can do about their vertical stripes. This is cruel."

geaux library recovery blog

I'm sure other professions have similiar things going but I'm a little partial to this one :)

"
Geaux Library Recovery is dedicated to bringing Information Professionals from around the country together to offer volunteer help to our Gulf Coast colleagues and friends impacted personally and professionally by Hurricane Katrina. We're here to lend a helping hand in any way we can."

Monday, September 05, 2005

speak

I am not going to fool myself and think the movie will be as amazing as the book was, but I am eagerly looking forward tonight to watching the movie Speak. It's on Lifetime so I'm sure it'll be a cheesy version but if it's even half as powerful as the book it will be worth watching. While it isn't my all time favorite book (The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan holds that distinction) the book moved me like no other book in recent memory. I had to read it for one of my graduate classes about young adult literature. When I finished it I cried tears of sadness mixed with those of satisfaction. I remember my emotional reaction being so powerful that I went to the bathroom to cry. I wanted the solace of an undisturbed cry. I don't expect that everyone who reads the book/sees the movie will have as strong a reaction as I did but I would be disappointed in anyone who knows me not being moved by the experience.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

happy birthday, mom!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

survival of new orleans blog

Wow. What else can you say when you read this blog. It's a firsthand account of the situation in New Orleans.
Survival of New Orleans blog

Friday, September 02, 2005

hurricane katrina

International Blogging for Disaster Relief Day

Police officer Rebecca Ruspoli helps three dogs stranded on a damaged roof on Wed.
(Photo by Andy Nelson/The Christian Science Monitor via Getty Images)

My heart breaks when I think of all the people displaced and suffering from the recent events . It also hurts when I think about all the pets and animals. I connect their plight with that of my little Max and his experience as a stray during at least one terrible snowstorm.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

college football season

(I feel the need to qualify here that I do realize more important things are going on in the world. Work sucks right now, we're talking about taking out a stupid home equity loan so that we can afford to remove some of our damn pine trees, the tv and radio make me simultaneously angry and sad, babies are dying, people are shooting at police officers... However, I'm going to allow myself some frivolity at the moment as I say...)

College football season has begun!


Less than 72 hours until we go to NC State to watch the Hokies play! I'm not going to pretend that I love football as much as my husband does (he's been like a kid anticipating Christmas, I promise he won't sleep a bit on Saturday night) but it is one of my favorite things. But that's enough talking about it. It's time to go downstairs and watch the South Carolina game!