confessions of a control freak

I am a control freak.

I am a micro-manager.

This is bad.

It is not pleasant for those I try to control and it makes life more difficult for me.

Most of the time I would rather not have a volunteer help me in the library because whatever they help me with won't be done precisely the way I would do it. Right now I am facing the monumental task of automating my school's library. (Yes, we are finally entering the year 1990 and getting a computerized checkout system as opposed to the old-fashioned card system we currently use.) I should have volunteers come in and place barcodes on the books. However, I've only allowed 2 adults to help with the task and a few responsible 5th graders. I had to force myself to let these people help me and it took all my self-control not to stand over their shoulders and ensure the silly things were put on in the correct place.

This is bad.

It is a character flaw.

I'm trying to work on this.

Life is not helping me.

Five weeks ago the social worker doing our adoption home study e-mailed saying she finished writing up the home study and was sending it, along with all the necessary paperwork, to the adoption agency. I knew it would be about two weeks before the agency finished reviewing it and contacted us. I never heard from them and was itching to call and check on it. I decided to trust the process and the people and not to harrass. I couldn't stand it any longer so I called the agency yesterday only to discover they'd never received it. 24 hours later, after numerous tears and several phone calls, they now have all the items. The two week review time will begin Monday. We're now five weeks behind where we could be in this process (not to mention 5 weeks closer to doing the 6 month home study update which will cost us another 600-700 dollars).

I have faith that the time delay is important and that it fits into God's plan for our family. It's still very disappointing and frustrating. It also reinforces my control freak tendencies. If I'd only called to ensure they'd received the paperwork and/or called when the two week review period should have been over. I've been saying for over two years that this family-building process has been God's way of teaching me to stop attempting to control my life and to trust in Him. Guess I need some prayers to help me better trust in Him.