books on cd/tape vs. books

I'm a librarian so it's obvious I love books. I love to hold them, I love looking at the words and I love being able to read the words faster than I can say them.

My mother-in-law likes books on tape/cd and frequently passes them on to me when she's finished with them. I love listening to them on my rides to and from work. The past few days I discovered a major problem with listening to the books. You can't "accidentally" sneak a peek at the end! I've been listening to a mystery and I decided about an hour into it that I knew what was going on and who the bad guys were but I couldn't confirm it. Now I'll have to wait patiently until I get to the end to find out if the husband has been setting the wife up. It's not like this is the best story in the world and it's definitely not something I would have read but I'm invested now and it's driving me crazy!

It's a rough life.

pine trees

I hate pine trees. They are right up there with spam, sales calls at work and people who say mean things about adoption.

Another tree in our yard just fell. Thankfully this one didn't land on anything. At this moment my count says that makes 5 trees in 3 1/2 years (5 1/2 if you count the fact that the previous 2 pine trees to fall also took out 1/2 of one of my beloved dogwood trees). I live in fear of falling pine trees and with the upcoming weather I would be very surprised if we don't lose another tree in the next few days. I'm currently hoping the police officer who lives next door won't leave his police car parked underneath the tree like he usually does.

Have I mentioned that I hate pine trees?

number one reason i wish i'd paid more attention in spanish class

Oh, how I wish I could understand what Bruno and the other characters on the Spanish soap opera "La Madrastra" were saying. Rene Casados is truly a joy to watch. His brooding intensity moves me. His well-groomed mustache and the way his eyeliner brings out his evil eyes... I am positive it would be my favorite show, if I could only figure out what is going on.

things that drive me crazy

• Stressing about money (which I do just about every minute, even in my dreams) - this is especially hard for me since we'd always worked hard to live well within our means and while in the past I've been accused of being "cheap" (must run in the family, sis) I always knew we were on decent financial ground. Now I just see dollar signs on everything. It's hard for me to even enjoy going out with friends because all I can think about is how much we need every single penny. I'm afraid I will soon become my grandmother filling up my car with cans to recycle. It doesn't help that I feel like we are just beginning to dig this hole. When we are through with the adoption process then will come the normal child costs. I'm just really tired of being stressed. When I pray I don't ask that God help us out financially (although winning the lottery certainly would be nice) but instead I pray that I won't let the stress consume me.

• Paying over $30 to fill up my little Mustang! Granted this kind of goes under the first item but I just filled up my car and I'm a little perturbed at the moment. I understand that I am blessed to have a reliable car, that gas prices here are still better than in Europe, that as an American I consume too much, that we are lucky we don't have to pay for the gas in my husband's Trailblazer (work vehicle and yes, it's necessary he have a truck or SUV for the off road driving he has to do) and that we don't have to choose between filling up my car with gas and eating. At this moment, having none of this information is making me feel any better about it. I miss the days when I could fill up my car for less than $15.

• Gross men in pickup trucks playing nasty songs at full blast while I am putting gas in my car. I think the fact that he was not a teenager but a middle-aged man is what really annoyed me. I grant people under the age of 21 some leeway when it comes to doing obnoxious things like that. It wasn't but just a few years ago that I thought playing Phish songs very loudly while driving proved how cool I was. I do not have any patience for redneck men in their 40's playing songs that involve licking bodies very loudly while parked at a gas station. The song was quite graphic and while it's his right to listen to crappy music it's not fair for him to impose it on everyone else, especially the small children at the gas station.

• Small children knowing the words to nasty songs. I'll be honest, I didn't see any of the children nearby singing along but through my experiences at work I've discovered that 5 and 6 year olds know more dirty lyrics than most of the adults I know. But that topic is for another day...

I'm going to stop writing now and find something to do that makes me smile.

• (I think my real problem today is that I have to go back to work tomorrow. It's a rough life.)

my husband

Last night, as my wonderful husband was spackling and sanding walls I told him about starting a blog. I teased that I would write an entry about how amazing he is and how much I love him. I should explain that while he was working so hard I was in the same room playing on the computer (we're converting my computer room into a future nursery) and forcing him to listen to my music (along with my off-key accompaniment). I eventually stopped playing long enough to remove all the books from my bookshelf and carry them into the other room so he could move the bookshelf. That was about the extent of my efforts. He carried out all the furniture except the computer and stereo so that I can continue using both as long as possible. Typical thoughtfulness on his part.

Earlier today, I was listening to In My Life (Beatles) and as I listened to the song I was so filled with love for my husband that I started crying. Not a sad cry or even a happy cry. Just a "so-much-emotion" cry. (Which I'm sure if the neighbors noticed they thought was weird since I'd done the "pull up to the house and wait in the car for the song to end" thing.)

We are pursuing adoption and we recently had to each write 12 page auto-biographical essays as part of the home-study process. It's ironic that at that time I struggled to write the sections describing him and our relationship but today I feel I could write 12 pages just on those things. I won't do that here though because it feels too raw and self-revealing (which is partially what made it hard for me to write the essay, it's very weird writing such personal stuff in order for someone to judge whether or not you deserve to be a parent). For a "dating anniversary" many years ago I gave him a several page list of the reasons I love him. Here are some things I would add to that list today. I love him because:

• he doesn't complain about how lazy I am when it comes to physical labor (including yardwork)
• he is patient with my old, blind and severely "special needs" dog
• he knows when I need to eat just by my mood
• he may get jealous over the time I spend at work and on the computer but he never gets jealous of people
• he recognizes my character flaws and more importantly my attempts to improve myself
• he is the only person who knows how to call me on my bullshit without shutting me down
• he realizes how important my work is to me
• he can organize a tailgate at a moment's notice
• after a long stressful day at work he still listens to and acts interested in my incessant babbling
• he understands my weird social fears (such as calling for a pizza or buying paint) and knows when to push me to do things anyway
• he is comfortable with himself
• he can fix almost anything
• he's so darn cute when anticipating college football season

I could go on and on but I think I've made my point. He's the most wonderful man I know (and for some crazy reason he puts up with me). I just think he deserves the public recognition.

overwhelming options

Well, here I am, trying once again to be cool like my sister. She seems to be having so much fun with her new "toy" that I couldn't be left out any longer and had to get one myself.
I don't know whether I'll actually keep up with this and I really doubt that anyone wants to read my thoughts but all I can do is try. Hopefully if I fail it will at least be a quiet failure.

I felt overwhelmed with the choices setting this blog up. What if I don't make the right choices and it becomes blatantly obvious to all who see it what a loser I really am? (of course, once again, that's making the assumption that anyone actually reads my thoughts) What name to choose? Most blogs I've looked at have deep and introspective titles. I'm just not that good. The best I could do was take a song lyric I've been thinking about lately and use that as a title. What template and colors? I chose this one because I like it but at the same time I'm afraid it looks too much like my sister's. Surprisingly I felt the most inadequate while selecting my time zone. Way too many choices. I need the simple list I'm used to. I have no idea if I picked the right one.

Here I am stressing about this ridiculously simple thing. Story of my life.