why can't i keep my mouth shut?

Do you ever regret an entire conversation?

Since today was a teacher workday a bunch of us went out for lunch. During lunch the conversation somehow turned to what we were like in high school/college. I started out with the sense to keep my mouth shut but eventually someone asked me. I bluntly said I probably wouldn't have been friends with anyone at the table ("I was a cheerleader", "I was a jock", etc.) After that I seemed to lose the sense of what I should and shouldn't say and I alluded to having done things some of them wouldn't approve of. Questions began and since one of the girls graduated from high school with Steven I let more information out about Steven's and my pasts than I should have. I wasn't stupid enough to spill my whole history but I said enough to start some more rumors (I swear last year, my comment about having a girl crush on Shanna Moakler started a rumor that I'm a lesbian and that's why Steven and I haven't been able to conceive).

I should have followed the lead of the girl who wasn't saying anything other than "I was a jock in high school" since I know from previous conversations I was a saint compared to her. This will come back to haunt me. If nothing else the "Queen Bee" will have one more reason to be mean to me.

puggle

I don't like when people buy dogs or cats. I feel very strongly that it's a ridiculous, and bordering on mean, thing to do. Both of our dogs are "rescue" dogs, Max was a stray who made his way to my parents' door and Steven received Casey from a friend in college who couldn't handle a rambunctious puppy and an infant.

That said, I am in love with this breed.

The puggle is a hybrid breed (ethically, I really disagree with the way we create breeds) where a pug is bred with a beagle. Adorable is the only way I can describe them.

another sign i'm getting old

I was not amused to see this shirt on a 5th grader today.

the miraculous journey of edward tulane

Without a doubt the most beautiful book I've ever read.

It's a children's book (the author also wrote "Because of Winn Dixie") but it's the adult side of me that loves it. The students who've read it at school enjoyed it but I'm sure they don't get it. I think to truly appreciate the book you need to have experienced the heartbreak and elations of love (in all its forms). Tears were streaming down my face as I finished the book.

Each moment you spend without this book in your life is a moment you will regret.

i am now a brunette

24 hours later and I'm still doing that little jump when I pass a mirror.

being the bad guy

(Ironic that I'm posting this so soon after my last irresponsible post but...)

Internet safety for children is one of my big things and MySpace has been a hot topic on LM_NET (librarian listserv) this week so I decided to "browse" MySpace within a 10 mile radius of my school. There are 13 pages of people who fit that bill and within the first 2 pages I found 3 former students (I stopped there, I'll leave the other 11 pages for later this weekend). These girls are only in the 7th grade and had to lie about their ages in order to get on the site. Their postings seem to have the typical amount of tame pre-teen sexuality about them but there are some borderline pics on there and the world is full of creeps so come Monday morning I will have to be "the bad guy."

I haven't figured out yet exactly how I'm going to approach this but morally I know I need to contact their parents. It's the thought of actually doing it though that terrifies me.

On a side note, I guess I'll also be "cleaning up" or deleting my MySpace profile this weekend! I don't need any added drama arising from this.

clever marketing

According to The Smoking Gun, the DEA recently busted a California drug operation that made marijuana laced candies and sodas such as "Pot Tarts", "Stoney Ranchers" and "Double Puff Oeos."


O-kay. I've seen elementary school students bring real drugs to school so I realize how bad this is in terms of children, but the non-responsible part of me loves this.

stupid sony/bmg

A few months ago I posted my feelings about the Sony/BMG spyware issue. As I checked out the updated settlement site with its updated list of malicious cds I discovered I have 2 of the stupid things.

No, they aren't the Celine Dion or Britney Spears cds. The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club cd, "Howl", and the Citizen Cope cd, "Clarence Greenwood Recordings", are both on the list. Stupid Sony ruining good music.

Grrr...

2014 winter olympics

Hoth Olympics 2014

If Hoth hosted the Winter Olympics Steven would be in heaven. His curling girls crushes and Star Wars. Sounds like a winner!

a baby in need of our prayers

The son of the best man from my sister's wedding needs our prayers. He was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. I've added links to the websites related to his case but here is a direct link to The Official Thomas Bickle Blog. I suggest first scrolling all the way to the bottom and reading Thomas' story (although, after a few seconds it'll be hard to read through the tears).

Please keep Thomas, his family and their finances in your prayers.

amen and thank you, ben stein!

(Thanks to Keymaster for posting your thoughts on this. Without your blog I would have missed this.)

Ben Stein's comments are from the December 18, 2005 airing of the CBS Morning Show. I highly suggest reading the entire transcript here.

"I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat."

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I respect the variety of personal beliefs that surround me but I get tired of others not having that same respect.

"Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?"

Why is it that our society is so fast to jump on things like "One nation under God" yet seems less concerned about our celebrity obsessed culture. Which one is more likely to harm our children in the long run?

"I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too."

Glad to know I'm not the only one whose value system makes them feel old!

i love a church with a sense of humor

from Discord.org

feeling pretty stupid

Have you ever done something and afterwards had that almost panicky feeling that you've really messed up?

While putting away the groceries today I received a phone call from the "University of Michigan" blah-blah-blah doing a research study about people's attitudes towards blah-blah-blah. I'm usually very wary of telephone things but having worked on several research projects at Tech I'm also very sympathetic to the people conducting university research (one of my thrilling field study assignments in college was to call people who'd taken breathalizers downtown on Friday night and ask them questions about their sexual behaviors later that night). The woman went on to read what sounded exactly like the consent forms I used to read on the phone and that I've signed a million times before.

So the woman went on to ask me all kinds of boring questions about hotels, airlines, electrical service, phone service, cellular service, etc. After, no exaggeration, 23 minutes I finally told her I was out of time (my answers were completely unreliable anyway, I kept answering "5" to all these "on a scale of 1-10 questions" that I wasn't even listening to) and couldn't answer any more questions. She stopped then and asked my first name and zip code, then thanked me for my time.

Since the moment I hung up there's been a feeling of dread in my stomach. I never told her my last name or address but they're easy enough to figure out since she had my phone number. I didn't do anything like give her my social security number, annual income, bank info, etc but I still feel like I did something stupid.

I tried googling the phone number and all I came up with was one hit with some guy who logs personal telemarketer violations. This didn't allay my fears though since he said they asked him "who at your company makes decisions about Internet and telecom services?" That's not quite how my conversation went so I'm a little more worried now.

On the brightside, I may start keeping track of telemarketer calls (I usually let caller ID and my answering machine weed out the ones who still call) and earn some extra cash going after those who violate our being on the "do not call list". This guy makes it sound fairly worthwhile!

venting about annoying people

I went with Steven to the ACC Tournament yesterday and it was an incredibly fun experience. I wish now I hadn't told Steven to take our friend Jason today instead of me!

Unfortunately, we were sitting next to two of the most annoying people. When we first sat down I thought how nice it was to see a nice clean cut father and his teenage son out together. They were sitting in the Virginia Tech section but, based on their lack of identifying colors/college stuff, didn't appear to pull for any particular team.

After the 2nd game of the day (Wake Forest/Florida State - I'm happy to say FSU lost) there is a long break and everyone has to leave the coliseum. While we were wandering around enjoying the beautiful weather and the entertainment Steven started telling me how, among other things, the kid kept pushing him with his legs and elbowing him. When we went back to our seats for the UVA/Tech game (Tech lost in an another heartbreakingly close manner) I took my turn next to the kid.

Before the game started he commented to his father that they must be sitting in the Tech section (Duh, did you not notice the large banner hanging above you and all the people in maroon and orange surrounding you all day?) so he declared he was going to "root against them." Annoying, but fairly typical for a teenager. Nature says you have to be contrary at that age. However, his attitude really began to grate on me. The boy and his father appeared to have even less basketball knowledge than I (which is pretty hard to do) yet they preceded to make what they thought were insightful comments throughout the game. I'm not going to bore everyone with all the obnoxious things they said and did throughout the game but by the time it was over I was seething. I got to where half the reason I wanted Tech to win was just so I could turn to the kid and make an obnoxious comment myself.

I can't stand contrary people. Those who have to make negative comments about things just to be negative when you know they don't really feel what they're saying, they just want to make everyone around them as miserable as they are. That boy and his father were just fortunate to be sitting around some well-mannered people. I can think of several people I know who wouldn't have kept their mouth shut listening to their attitude (Steven's cousin once brought a man in front of us to tears at a football game.). Hopefully they only had the tickets for yesterday's sessions so Steven and Jason don't have to listen to them today and Steven's parents don't have to listen to them Saturday and Sunday.

"If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago

Stealing a post idea from my sister...

What was the #1 Song the day you were born?

sad news

I was just saddened to hear that Christopher Reeve's widow, Dana, passed away from lung cancer.

It's weird how, despite having never met someone, you can feel invested in their life.

a bright moment

I received news today that I was approved for life insurance at the "Super Woman" rate. No joke. That's what the man said. He congratulated me and said how difficult this was to achieve. Considering I applied for this life insurance with a major company, I found the whole conversation amusing.

I like the idea of having achieved "Super Woman" status.

This conversation was almost enough to knock me out of the self-indulgently depressed mood I'm in.

feeling sorry for myself

I'm feeling sorry for myself and want to whine a little. (I'm in such a funk I don't want to talk to anyone so that's why I'm writing it here instead of calling one of my loving support system.)

A few weeks ago our agency called and said they had a girl they'd like to show our profile to. Since there were some delicate issues we were given extensive information about the girl, her pregnancy, her baby and her situation so we could decide if we would be comfortable parenting her child. With about 60 seconds discussion we said we would love them to show her our profile (they were giving her a few at the same time).

I knew I shouldn't have gotten all excited but I did. We discussed how, if she chose us, we would address certain aspects of the particular situation. Since we were told the baby's due date I've become obsessed with the date and almost every other thought has been about it. Every time a date or event was mentioned I've thought of it as pre or post the birth of our possible child. Logically I knew I was getting carried away but I let myself get excited about the possibility.

I just received word that the girl is reconsidering parenting her child. I DO NOT begrudge that fact. I'm glad, for her sake and her child's sake, she is making that decision now. She and her child will continue to be in my prayers.

I also do not need to be told that this is God's plan and our child will enter our lives according to His plan. Logically I know this, just as I knew I shouldn't get too invested in this possibility.

I'm just feeling very crushed right now. My heart's pretty tender, my stomach's a little twisty and it's hard to see the computer screen through my eyes. We've been trying to start a family since December 2002 and have only experienced disappointments. Sometimes I feel like the phrase "I know God only gives me what I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." was written about us.

happy birthday, little sis!

tired of holding my tongue

My apologies to anyone I insult with this but...

if I hear someone casually say the phrase "Oh! I think I'd like to adopt. I'd really like to adopt a ________" I'm going to snap. I'm so sick of conversations about our adoption process where someone graces me with that sentiment. It's always uttered by someone who already has given birth to at least one child. What I really want to say is, "That's great. I think I'd like to be a doctor."

The absurdity of someone who obviously has no real desire to adopt saying this is annoying, obnoxious and unintentionally hurtful. For whatever reason, they don't honestly desire to adopt or they would have done so. They chose to build their family by giving birth. By flippantly saying they'd like to adopt it trivializes our process.

What makes it worse is when they fill in the blank with "foreign baby." First of all, "foreign baby" isn't even the correct phrase, it makes it sound like something that doesn't belong, like a foreign object in your food. Second of all, it usually comes across as an insult against our decision to adopt domestically. (A decision that was not made lightly - and if there's one thing I've learned during this process, it's that with adoption you can't please everyone. There are groups who believe adopting internationally is wrong because "there are children in our country that need families" and those who believe adopting domestically is wrong because "it tears apart natural families.") Not to mention, they appear to see adopting internationally as something akin to rescuing a dog from the Humane Society. Like by adopting one of those "poor children" they are earning sainthood not choosing to build their family.

I know these thoughts aren't very well articulated but I'm not in a "well-articulated" mood right now.

almost makes me wish i had a desk job

Pimp My Cubicle provides everything needed to bling out your office space and make you the envy of your cubicle-mates. The kit includes gold pushpins, a mini disco ball, a dollar sign paperweight and mousepad, leopard print fringe, and a gold keyboard key.

i can't quite wrap my brain around this

According to Newsweek, "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition: Christians are finally getting a high-caliber shoot-`em up videogame of their own."

Left Behind: Eternal Forces is the first game adapted from the Left Behind series. Players can enjoy the game's "top-shelf design" and "level of violence reminiscent of Grand Theft Auto" while scouring the streets for converts to join the paramilitary resistance against the forces of the Antichrist.

The CEO of Left Behind Games said "We've thought through how the Christian right and the liberal left will slam us. But megachurches are very likely to embrace this game."