Wednesday, November 30, 2005

death

Saturday night, while tailgating after the game, a friend of ours received a call saying that the father of one of his fraternity brothers just had a heart attack in the parking lot. (We'd seen the ambulance moments before but obviously had no idea who it was for). We left immediately for the hospital and what was to become a very surreal night.

It was a very painful night but I also feel like I grew up a little more Saturday night. I can't really explain the experience yet I feel compelled to do so. My thoughts here aren't going to be very cohesive but then they are very disjointed in my head also.

I'd never been there the moment someone was told a loved one unexpectedly died. It was horrible. They called him back into a "privacy room" and shut the door, just like they do on tv, and then moments later you could hear this gut wrenching wail. My heart shattered, my eyes overflowed and I started praying with all my might. Even now I'm fighting back tears. There is nothing that pains me like the uncontrolled grief of a man. I don't mean the cries of a man who is "in touch with his emotions" and cries as frequently as I do (which there is nothing wrong with, it's just not what tears at my heart). Seeing a stereotypical "man's man" cry breaks my heart every single time. The sound of the raw pain in those uncontrollable sobs is etched into my memory.

What pains me most when I think back on my grandmother's death a few years ago was my father's pain. He's a very stoic person and doesn't easily show his emotions, whether positive or negative. Seeing his silent tears at her funeral and the way he hung onto my mother still makes a knot form in my stomach.

I didn't like this new part of growing up.

However, Saturday night I was also reminded how much I love the area I live in. I love Southern men (and the "mamas" who raised them right). Not to say there aren't good ones in other places (I know quite a few great ones) but there are times when I truly appreciate the respect and mannerisms of Southern men as a whole. We were some of the first people to arrive at the emergency room and I was impressed by how every single man that came into that room took off his hat when he walked in the door. Here was a gesture that at one time I considered unnecessary but at that moment I saw how important it was at showing respect for the solemnity of the situation. I was also in love with every boy there for the fact that while these were "good ol' Southern boys" they were not embarrassed to cry along with the one whose father passed away. They hugged (and not the "we're cool" guy hugs, real hold on to each other hugs) and wept.

For the first time ever I was also impressed with the concept of a fraternity. Not having done the Greek thing (sorry, Barbara, it's the right thing for some people but it wasn't for me) I'd never seen the benefit of it. On Saturday night I saw the power of a fraternity. We were the second carload of people to arrive (just behind those with the guy whose father passed away) so I was able to watch as the brothers began making phone calls to other brothers they knew were in town for the game. The room quickly began filling up. There were even younger brothers there who didn't know the guy. The support system was unbelievable. The wives and girlfriends were all there peripherally. It was the men who were offering comfort to one another and making arrangements (picking up vehicles, moving vehicles, calling his mother, wife, sister, etc.) I'd never seen a situation where men acted as such a cohesive group.

There are so many more thoughts, impressions and lessons that I learned that night but I'm mentally exhausted right now.

Monday, November 21, 2005

not my secret

I feel the need to make sure people who know me do not think this secret is mine.



Before Max went blind I thought his running into walls was funny. Not so much anymore... Now I just look at those cloudy eyes as they get larger and larger with glaucoma and it makes me sad. The cataracts never seemed to bother him much (like I said, he ran into furniture long before he started going blind!) but the glaucoma must really hurt. It makes my heart hurt.

did they really think they would get away with this?!


Apparently Sony/BMG thinks we're all idiots. They're recalling ~5 million cds that in addition to copy protection will install spyware on your computer.

Come on.

Did they really think nobody was going to notice?

Boston Herald article "Songs Came with Spyware"

I wonder who noticed first, the Neil Diamond fans or the Trey Anastasio fans?


Friday, November 18, 2005

it was won by criminals so why shouldn't it be stolen?


We can all rest easier.

A national crisis is now over.

Florida State has their national championship trophies back.

It sounds like at least one of them was in the right place (a trash bag).

Thursday, November 17, 2005

can you read this?

I'm sure this makes the e-mail rounds on a regular basis, but Steven sent it to me because I'm always interested in things about reading.

Believe, it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
wo uthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as
a wlohe. Amzanig huh?


This fits perfectly with the explanation I give when people ask how I can "read so fast." Not only do I not look at the actual letters of the words but I don't think I even read all the words. I'm pretty sure I just kind of look at sentences and paragraphs as a whole and my mind picks out the parts it needs to understand them. This doesn't work all the time though. It works best with things that have familiar subject matters or are on an "easier" reading level. If it's dense and complicated it takes me much longer to read.

Since I can't really turn it off it's horrible when I try to edit things I've written. I already know what I've written so it takes a lot of concentration to actually read it. While reading a book about writing a "Dear Birthmother" letter I came across a suggestion to edit things for spelling by starting at the end and reading the words one at a time until you get to the beginning. I've found this also helps make me actually read words on a page.

I love learning about and thinking about brain stuff.

finally some good news


We received a good news phone call and 2 good news e-mails today...

Virginia and Steven -

Just wanted to let you know that your approval packet will go out in the mail today. Please let me know if you have any questions about any of the paperwork. Your file has been turned over to your caseworker for the next phase of your adoption process.


Virginia and Steven,

Just received your file back on my desk and you have been approved. I will try to get your approval packet out in the mail tomorrow. Give each other a big hug and go celebrate!!!!



We will finally move to the next phase! ('m assuming that since they don't usually have 10 profile copies prior to mailing out an approval packet they won't actually show our profile to anyone now) I don't know what has to be completed in our "approval packet" but I'm thrilled that we are finally through with the homestudy process and going forward! I trust our agency to actually get things done accurately and on time, unlike our social worker who said she sent in our homestudy on August 23rd and in October we discovered she'd never done it. (Thanks to her we are currently at the step we should have been at by September 9th. Can you tell I'm still a little bitter and frustrated?)

I love good news!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

guaranteed to make you smile


If you want to smile, check out my school's website (if you're interested let me know and I'll e-mail you the url) and the "Look What We've Done" section. For the past 2 weeks I've worked with the kindergarteners creating class books. I took pictures of each page and turned the books into PowerPoint presentations to post on the website. They are really cute! My favorite is "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" where the mouse goes to the bathroom and plays with the toilet paper. The illustrations don't exactly match (one part talks about the mouse being in trouble in the principal's office but the picture is of a mouse smiling outside) but that's part of why I can't help but smile when I look at the books.

Anything that makes me smile these days is a good thing!

Monday, November 14, 2005

getting ready for saturday




Can you believe I was crazy enough to ever apply to UVA? I'm sure glad God's a Hokie and knew where I belonged!
Can't wait for Saturday's game!

horror movies/dreams

Two nights in a row I had very elaborate horror movie dreams. They weren't nightmares (which I do have fairly frequently) but instead were almost complete horror movies. In my dream I knew they were movies and it was more like I was creating them rather than experiencing them. One contained a very elaborate slasher movie death that I don't think I've ever seen before.

It's got me thinking.

I should either seriously consider writing a horror movie screenplay or I should stop watching so many horror movies.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

i love my husband


In case anyone doesn't know how wonderful my husband is this story should help convince you. If this alone doesn't do it, see my earlier post.

At the game last night (around the point the score was 27 - 0) he turned to me and said, "I'm really not that upset about this. Tech losing isn't really that important. My dad is alive and at the game tonight and that's what's important (it was his first game since his final chemo treatment on the 20th)" That moment helped remind me how much I love him and how he is truly the most amazing man I know. He is passionate about Tech football. He lives and dies by the games but last night he gave such perspective to what was a very disappointing game.