fueding in the rock, paper scissors world

Who knew the world of competitive "Rock, Paper, Scissors" was actually big enough for two rival organizations?

World RPS Society

USARPS League

what doesn't kill us...

... tears our hearts into tiny pieces.

Three times our profile has been shown. Three times someone else has been been selected. I can't begin to explain the way my whole body and soul ache.

Number of months I've not been pregnant since going off the pill: 39
Number of times we've been rejected: 3

42 times I've been ripped in 2.

I'm repeating my request that people don't tell me platitudes about God's plan and there's a child out there for us. I know this. I believe these things but they no longer make me feel any better. I won't feel better until we build our family.

i am a bad mommy

As I was leaving for work this morning I stopped my car at the top of the driveway (I have to angle it just right so it doesn't bottom out) and noticed Max was still "tied up" in the yard. Each morning I put him out there right before I leave so I can finish getting dressed and today I forgot to bring him back in. I cried as I unhooked him and brought him in. Can you imagine what would've happened to my little blind baby if he'd been out there all day? If I hadn't stopped the car and seen him I never would've remembered he was still outside. I'm tearing up again just thinking about it.

I always bitch about those people who leave their kids places but I almost forgot my special needs dog outside all day.